Beauty Is Skin Deep, Ugly Is To The Bone
by jirihime
Summary: Kagura accidentally learns what Sougo thinks of her, and it's not pretty. Perturbed, she turns to Otae for girl talk, and to her guy friends in Kabukicho for attention. But she soon learns that entertaining multiple suitors has nasty consequences, including the rage of a certain possessive sadist.
1. Chapter 1

Kagura's breath came as short, panting gasps after her 100-lap run around town. She hoped that expending twice the amount of energy than when she first did this exercise would tire her body and lull her to sleep. Another sleepless night was not going to happen. Sleep deprivation is bad for the skin. Normally, she would doze off as soon as her head hit the pillow, but she hadn't been normal as of late, catching herself lying awake in the dead of night and smiling for no reason, her mind replaying her collection of thoughts of Okita.

Seeing the Yorozuya house emerge ahead of her, Kagura raised herself from slumping over out of exhaustion. A bath was in order. She was about to climb up the exterior staircase when a familiar boisterous laugh of a certain gorilla stopped her in her tracks. It was coming from Otose's bar, along with muffled sounds of merriment. _If Kondo is there,_ he _might be, too_ , she thought.

Still out of breath, Kagura turned to the direction of Snack Otose, her feet moving with a mind of their own.

 _Wait!_ Another labored breath. _I'm soaked in sweat._ Kagura managed to stop herself from doing something so idiotic. What reason would she have for showing up in the bar anyway? Still, the thought of Okita unwinding in the snack house below her home, however illusory, made her inch closer to the entrance door.

Footsteps. Footsteps were approaching the door from the inside, and soon she would be seen in an embarrassing situation.

-0-

"What's wrong, Captain Okita?" Asked someone from behind the Shinsengumi captain.

"Nothing. I thought I heard something," Okita replied after sliding the shoji door open and finding no one outside.

With her heart pounding against her ribcage, Kagura flattened herself against the wall, her ears alert for any change in movement. At the last second, she slipped into the alley to the left with the stealth of a ninja. Hearing the door slide shut and Okita retreating back inside, she heaved a sigh.

 _Why am I doing this? We're probably going to see each other tomorrow anyway._ Kagura asked herself, remembering that they somehow wind up hanging out almost every day, whether it was because of her seeking him out or Kami-sama putting them at the same place at the same time.

"The Yorozuya boss sure has it easy, doesn't he? Having a harem of stunning women." Kagura overheard someone say just as she was about to leave. "I'd marry Sarutobi-san in a heartbeat if she stalked me."

The voice sounded like it came from an _ossan_. _The nerve of an old fart thinking he could hook up with Sachan!_ Now peeking through the window, Kagura found herself crouching to eavesdrop on a drunken conversation. Okita was sitting in a booth with five other men, while Kondo was in the other booth taking life advice from Tama. There were only two things men talked about in the absence of women: stories that end in excrement or women. This conversation focused on the latter, with the men inside probably not considering an old hag, a robot, and an alien cat as such.

"Pfft! As if that would happen," someone scoffed in reply. "What do you see in her anyway? It's not because she's obsessed with Sakata-san, but I wouldn't have the time to hang out with her even if she asked me."

"Ha! That's exactly the kind of insecure thinking that won't get you a girlfriend," someone on a bar stool chimed in. "Besides, the most beautiful and only perfect 10 in Yorozuya's harem is obviously the China girl."

At the mention of that name, half the occupants of Okita's booth jumped up to clamp their hand over the man's mouth.

"Oi, shut up," one of them reprimanded. "Uh, Captain Okita, he meant a different China girl, th-the one from Naruto! He thinks he can make a pass at her." He turned back to the offender and hissed. "You idiot, don't you know the China girl is Captain Okita's woman? He's going to take his anger at all of us if you don't watch your mouth."

Rumors of the pair dating began to circulate when they were spotted spending a summer festival together. Soon after, they were no longer seen fighting whenever the Shinsengumi and Yorozuya crossed paths, but instead worked together, albeit through using each other as a weapon, but still working together. Naturally, gossipers translated those signs as dating.

"Are you all idiots?" Okita spoke up. "Tenten is married to Lee. Look at Metal. He has her eyes. And if you can't even see that, then you all really are blind. China is ugly, repulsive. Who would in their right mind like her?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at each other, including Kondo. Kagura crawled out of her hiding spot and straightened up, the sounds around her fading into a distant blur until it was only her thoughts that she could hear. _Ugly? Repulsive? Tenten married to Lee?_ Losing interest, she returned home and curled up in her closet-bed without bothering to shower or change out of her sweat-drenched pajamas. Sleep still didn't come.


	2. Chapter 2

"He called me ugly." Kagura let out her rant. She was sitting on the _engawa_ right outside the Koudoukan Dojo's guest room, eyes looking straight ahead but focusing on nothing. Shimura Tae was more than a friend; she was like a sister and confidante. It was half past 8 o'clock in the morning-too early to be out and about, but Kagura couldn't wait to talk to someone who would understand her boy problems, never mind that she had only a few hours of sleep. She would've visited sooner, too, but had to wait for Shinpachi to arrive at the Yorozuya office to make sure Tae was home alone.

"Ugly?"

"Yes, ugly."

"Maybe he was just teasing you, Kagura-chan."

Kagura's eyes quickly darted to meet Tae's. "No, he meant it. I overhead him and a bunch of guys talk about girls. He didn't know I was there."

"Kagura-chan," Tae consoled, her voice soft. "We all know that's not true. You're one of the most beautiful girls I know."

Kagura averted her eyes again. "But it feels true coming from him."

"Maybe he was acting tsundere."

The thought did cross the female Yato's mind. Kagura was never one to over-analyze. She lived fast and loose, reacting with lightning-fast reflex no matter the situation. Okita's nasty words conflicted with his recent actions. He'd been nicer, skipped work hours to hang out with her, gave her random gifts, watched her favorite movies. _You said we can't be friends anymore after I told you I like Twilight, but you stayed up all night to watch the entire saga._ She spoke to him in her head. "Maybe."

"You also mentioned he said Tenten is married to Lee."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah."

"But let me ask you this. Do we have real proof that Tenten is married to Lee and is Metal's mother?"

A pause fell for a second. "I don't think so." Kagura was looking at Tae now. "No."

"We actually don't know for sure who Metal's mother is. For all we know, Metal could've been adopted. Or produced asexually."

"Yeah. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"It means that Okita-san is dumb. All boys are dumb. You can't make a conclusion out of baseless speculation, and he can't say that you're ugly because you're drop-dead gorgeous."

"Anego!" Touched by her friend's comfort and reassurance, Kagura gave Tae a hug.

"I'll tell you what. Let's fix you up. You'll feel so much better."

Tae slipped out of the guest room and came back with a tray filled with lipsticks, jars, compacts, and perfume bottles. She set the tray on the _chabudai_ and asked Kagura to come closer. The cabaret girl started by applying a thin layer of concealer. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

Kagura gently shook her head. The dark circles beneath her eyes must have given it away.

"Not a problem. Makeup can do wonders."

And she was right. Makeup breathed life into Kagura's porcelain skin. Her features were delicate-a vast contrast to her incredible strength-and she rarely felt the need to wear makeup. A touch of coral pink blush revealed the clean lines of her cheeks, curled up eyelashes highlighted her ocean-blue eyes, and a lipstick shade called Romantic Kiss made her lips appear soft, lush, and dewy. No trace of bags or circles could be seen under her eyes, and Tae replaced the hair ornament she always kept on the right side of her head with a barrette adorned with beads and jade.

Holding a mirror in her hand, Kagura blinked at her reflection, and blinked again. "Anego, I look..."

"Like a full course meal," Tae finished her sentence. "Now, I love your taste in qipao, but a different dress could give you a fresher look."

"I have this fancy dress I've never had the chance to wear." What Kagura pulled from hammerspace was a red halter cheongsam with a flared bottom that accentuated her hour glass figure. She then put on a pair of high heels to complete the ensemble.

"Now, you look like a feast!"

-0-

It was a good day for baseball in the outdoors. The sky was partially cloudy with a little hint of rain, the weather warm, not too hot but also not cold.

 _The ball travels farther in this weather._ Yocchan chuckled as he was getting ready to batter up. _Good thing Kagura isn't here. That stuck-up Yato ruins the fun in baseball._ Although always up for a challenge, the self-proclaimed King of Kabukicho secretly preferred Kagura's absence when his friends wanted to play sports. He could beat Kagura in card games, arcade games, and beetle wrestling, but not when speed and brute strength were involved. But he also secretly admits that he, too, wants Kagura to be in his team in group sports.

The pitcher was about to wind up, but just then, a delicate scent of fresh cut spring flowers wafted through the air. The pitcher paused and straightened up.

"Oi, what's wrong? Hurry it up!" Yocchan demanded.

"Do you smell that?"

Yocchan sniffed. The fragrance reminded him of home, of freshly laundered linen, of cherished memories locked away at the back of his mind and only remembered in solitary moments. He scanned the vicinity, looking for the source of the aroma. And there it was, a lady in a red dress carrying a purple parasol. Was it an angel? A hallucination? A shadow formed by the wind blowing through the trees? He blinked and rubbed his eyes, but the woman was still there.

"Oh? Playing baseball without me? How cruel, you guys."

"Ka-Kagura?" Yocchan's jaw dropped.


	3. Chapter 3

Because there weren't any benches in the makeshift ballpark, one of the guys volunteered to get down on all fours to be Kagura's chair, another wanted to shade her from the sun with her parasol, someone was massaging her shoulders, and two guys on either side of her fanned her with giant feathers so she could watch the baseball game in comfort.

"Princess, you must be thirsty from walking under the sun." It was the guy massaging her.

"Bring me a bottle of Dom Perignon then."

"But Princess, it's not the time of day to be drink-"

"Do you want to make me angry? And it's not princess. I told you to call me Queen."

"Forgive me, Queen of Kabukicho!"

Kagura never really cared about the guys her age in Kabukicho-they were just young teenagers who served as extras. But now, they've grown up to be older teenagers who served as extras. They probably thought of her as a tomboy, so after getting Tae's advice of strutting her stuff around town, the first order of business was to shock them with her feminine frame, although it was Okita who she first wanted to see. But at the same time, she didn't want to make it seem like she dressed up just for him. _Screw that guy! Calling me ugly in front of everyone. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him._

"So, Your Majesty, what would you like to drink?" The guy interrupted her mental rant.

"It's a shame how you boys still haven't truly grown up. You should, by now, know how to treat a lady. Every young woman wants to feel special. So, if she wants you to bring her a bottle of Dom Perignon, you give her bubble tea to show that you care for her well-being."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I'll go order one bubble tea to go-"

"You idiot! Do you think bubble tea will satisfy me? I'm an adult now. Bring me Koronamin C."

"Hey, Kagura." Yocchan butted in. "Who do you think you are ordering people around like they're your servants?"

Although surprised by the sudden discourtesy, Kagura paid Yocchan no mind. She was also gracious enough to not point out that she knew all along that he was hiding behind a fence post and had his eyes glued to her from the minute she walked in the ballpark. But it was fun seeing the stupid bully act like a shy boy.

"Yocchan, don't talk to our queen like that," one of the guys fanning the Yato stood up to him. "Forgive him, Your Majesty. If you're bothered by this guy's presence, let's go watch a real baseball game. I have two tickets."

"No. Your Majesty, come with me." The guy she was sitting on cut in. "There's a cafe over there where you can do cute things like eat cake."

"Cake will give you diabetes, Your Highness. Let's get coffee instead," interjected the one holding her parasol.

And now she was being guided by all five men, each wanting her attention and leading her to five different places.

"Wait!" Yocchan called out. "Kagura-I mean, Y-your Majesty." In all the years his friends had known him, this was the first time Yocchan was seen blushing while shyly stammering. "I know the perfect place to get good ramen." Averting his eyes to the side, he scratched his head. "Let's head over there."

-0-

In the end, they all went to get dango. All seven of them. Kagura decided they take her to a dango shop, because it was casual enough to not be a date and she could enjoy free food.

Putting her hand on her belly, she let out a cute burp. "I'm tired, you guys. I'm going home." She tossed her 30th stick and got up to leave, pushing aside the guy holding her glass of water and the guy fanning her.

"Uh, it's probably natural to feel tired, my queen, after eating that many dango," one of Kagura's "servants" commented while noting the size of her bloated stomach.

"There's a hiking trail only I know of, Your Majesty. Let's go for a hike to ease your stomach," the person beside him suggested.

Kagura looked at the idiots, unamused. "Thanks for the food, boys, but it's time for my afternoon nap."

"Wait. You can't leave yet, Queen of Kabukicho." Yocchan tried to stop her. "We can go to the park. You can sleep under the shade of the trees."

"Your Majesty, it's still early. The amusement park is still open."

"Don't go on extreme rides on a full stomach, Your Highness. Let's go for a ride on my bicycle."

A vein popped on Kagura's head. She wanted to surprise her friends, but she didn't mean they should wait on her hand and foot. She doesn't even know most of their names. And there was only one man she wanted to spend the day with. _Where is he?_ "No! You're annoying me. I'm going home."

"But, my queen-"

"I made a reservation for dinner."

"I just called and ordered flowers."

"I...hah...hah...just got back from the store to buy this pack of sukonbu."

She didn't care anymore. She was going to knock them all out in one swift move. To hell with the sukonbu! "I said. Leave. Me. A-"

Out of nowhere, a _katana_ sliced through the space between Kagura and her suitors. A momentary silence passed as they took a second to process the appearance of the fatal weapon and its wielder.

"Didn't you hear or are you deaf? She declined. Twice. Get out of here or you'll all be deaf for real."


	4. Chapter 4

Okita snarled as he held his _katana_ to the men's throats. "Don't make me repeat myself."

Yocchan and his friends just stood there, unable to move or speak. One collapsed on his rear end, everyone paralyzed by the brush with death and the fact that the manslaying, sadistic police officer Okita Sougo was their greatest rival. Their first encounter with the Shinsengumi captain etched a permanent mark in their memories-the day he defeated and took away all their rhinoceros beetles. The ruthless police officer had earned a notorious reputation in the streets of Kabukicho since then.

Pleased with himself for instilling fear into Kagura's merry band of servants, Okita scoffed. "Don't embarrass yourself in front of your queen now. There's a time and place for pissing and shitting."

"N-no way! Your Majesty!"

"Is he your..."

"We didn't know!"

"That's right," Okita clarified. "If you want to get near China, you'll have to go through me. Of course, that means you're going to die. Who wants to die first?"

"Aaagh!" The men shouted in unison. They all turned and scrambled into the street, knocking over food carts and people in their haste.

"Oh, look who we have here. It's Gian from Doraemon," Okita jeered as he pointed his katana at the only suitor who remained, surprised he was courageous enough to hold his ground against certain death. Looking at Yocchan's hard-featured mug, he wondered what Kagura saw in him. _Certainly, I'm better looking, earn better income, better at everything._

"Y-you think I'm scared of you, Shogunate dog?" Yocchan's voice trembled. Hoping his urethral sphincter didn't fail him, he gathered what little courage he had left to stand up to Okita.

"So, you want to die first. You've been warned, Gian." Okita aimed at his neck and lunged, _katana_ ready to mince meat.

"Aaagh! Please don't kill me! I won't bother Kagura anymore!" Yocchan shrieked as he was mere inches away from being headless.

Okita lowered his sword and let Yocchan run off. "Get out of here," he commanded as he kicked Yocchan's backside while he was scurrying to leave.

Sheathing his sword, the sadist cop turned around to find Kagura standing at a safe distance. A trace of shock lingered on her beautiful face. He watched her edge closer, her hair jewelry glinting in the sunlight, halter top framing her milky white bare shoulders, her ample breasts swelling beneath her bodice. Her figure-fitting dress made him ache to trace his fingers over the curves of her body, yet he was mildly vexed that she was wearing something so revealing in public. That much skin exposure should only be for his eyes to see.

"Not that I care or anything, but are you mad at me?" She asked.

Okita noted the concern on Kagura's face. It was amazing how she could act so tsundere while worrying about his well-being. He searched her eyes. Eyes so blue and honest that they never betrayed an emotion; so blue and honest that they encouraged him to be more communicative about his feelings. _Yes, I'm mad. Mad that I looked like a possessive boyfriend, mad that I looked like I felt threatened by those buffoons._ "No, I'm not mad," he lied. Sensing her body relax, Okita wanted to scold his...special lady? Lady friend? Dating partner? "What have you been doing, woman?"

His tone felt accusatory. What _had_ she been doing? _I let other guys pay for my lunch. And wrapped them around my finger._ A pang of guilt hit Kagura. And another.

"Six dudes all at once? You've really outdone yourself this time."

And another. But his accusation quickly replaced Kagura's twinge of guilt with irritation. "I didn't do anything wrong!" She glowered. "It's not my fault they find me un-ugly!"

"Why are you dressed up then?"

Kagura turned around in a huff and crossed her arms over her bounteous chest. "Because you called me ugly," she fumed.

Okita blinked. When had he ever call her ugly? _Oh, right_. His lips curved into a smile. "I knew someone was watching me last night. It was you," he chimed, remembering the strange feeling that a pair of eyes were on him while he was listening to his men argue last night.

Unamused, Kagura only let out a huff.

"Hey, don't give me that face. I only said that because," the samurai paused. "Because I didn't want anyone else to like you." That made Kagura slightly drop her shoulders. "I wanted to invite you. That's why I suggested my division to party at Otose-san's, so I could just go upstairs to ask you out." It was a half-truth, because it was more like threatened than suggested when his men complained about the bar being too small.

Kagura turned her head a little to glance at him over her shoulder. She missed Okita showing up at their door last night. It was probably when she went out for a run.

"All I got was _danna_ berating me about how to treat a woman properly."

"Well, screw you. You still haven't said it," Kagura spat.

"Say what?" Okita was confused, and curious at how she can go from apologetic to furious at the drop of a hat. He also noticed that they were getting looks from people around, but he didn't care.

Kagura only huffed once more.

"I'm sorry."

"Hmph!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Hmph!"

"I...you're beautiful."

Looking down, she bit her lip and smiled a little. "You mean it?"

"Yes, I mean it." He answered with no pause, no hesitation.

Turning around, Kagura beamed a smile that could light up the town. "How beautiful?"

"Exquisitely beautiful. You-take-my-breath-away kind of beautiful," Okita replied, trying to find more words. "The most beautiful character in this anime."

Kagura smiled, even though she disagreed, because the most beautiful character was her mother.

"I'm beginning to think you're a magician, because when I look at you, everyone else disappears."

"Okay. You can stop now. That pickup line sucks."

"I'd tap that ass."

"Seriously, just stop!"

There was silence for a while as Kagura made an angry face and Okita smirked from his own joke, and then they burst into laughter. Pure hearty, belly-rippling laughter.

Okita watched Kagura's laughing subside. He traced the outline of her lips with his eyes, and wondered what it would feel like to press his own against them. Her fiery hair matched her Chinese red dress. That was her color, red. Her essence was fire-warm, powerful, proud, spontaneous. Remembering her sensitivity to sunlight, Okita grabbed Kagura's parasol that she absent-mindedly dropped on the ground and handed it to her.

"Six dudes," he muttered while giving Kagura a displeased glare.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"You could've said you have a boyfriend," he grumbled, glancing away as he frowned.

"Hmm? What did you say?" The redhead asked because his response was a barely audible mumble.

"Nothing. Come on." Okita gently nudged the small of Kagura's back with his hand, guiding her to walk beside him. The gentle pressure of his fingertips against her skin sent a shiver down her spine.

"Where are we going?"

"You had to refuse that pack of sukonbu. I'll get you a new one."

Walking in a comfortable silence, Kagura smiled at Okita, and slipped her hand into his.

-0-

"Anego, I want to show you something!"

It was eight o'clock in the morning. Kagura barged in the Koudoukan Dojo, rushing past Shinpachi, who was about to leave for work. This time, she showed up with a huge smile on her face and no dark circles under her eyes.

"What is it Kagura-chan?"

"Come with me!"

Kagura took Tae to an internet cafe. They picked a computer and went to the social network everyone was using.

"We were just official yesterday and he already updated his relationship status!" Kagura was grinning with glee as she navigated the website to visit Okita's profile.

Tae looked at the recent updates on Okita's profile. His display photo was an image of him and Kagura, and his cover image was a rabbit photographed at night. "In a relationship." Tae read out his relationship status. "Wow, Kagura-chan. It worked out perfectly in the end."

Kagura giggled.

They returned to Kagura's home feed and saw that Okita had published a new post. It was a photo of her from yesterday, dress and makeup and all. The caption read: "Hit the jackpot in the girlfriend lottery."

Both girls gasped.

"What a proud boyfriend," Tae remarked. "Kagura-chan, he's showing you off."

"Well, we did have dinner with his division last night. He had his arm around my waist the whole time. How clingy," Kagura cheered.


End file.
